i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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