"it" just moved
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
