If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
