after a month anything with tits is on the radar
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
