You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
