Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
