...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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