Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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