ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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