is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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