I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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