Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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