wakey wakey hands off snakey
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
