Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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