so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
