maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
