My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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