uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
