dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
