just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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