So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
