i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
