he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
All I want is dick and wine.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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