i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Two words: blizzard sex
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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