I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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