Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
