Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
