We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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