woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
