Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
