well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
