Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
