You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize