Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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