Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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