i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
that may or may not have been my penis.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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