bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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