Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
