this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
