I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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