Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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