he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
The air taste purple.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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