He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
