dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
