Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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