The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
