There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
