Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
