A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
