i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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