i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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