Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
this beer tastes like vomit already
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
