She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
