I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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