Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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