This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
