when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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