We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize