I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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