I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
