so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
is wine microwaveable?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I smell like Dick and happiness
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
