I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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