We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
