highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
