tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize