I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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