I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I did not marry a roomba.
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