I'm so fucking centered right now
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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