Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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