Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
