Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
