no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize
