Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
