Christians are straight up FREAKS
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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