First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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